Screaming!!!!!!

I feel like screaming tonight... here I sit, in my pajamas, ready to go to sleep, I have even taken an ambien to see if that could get me to go to bed... yet, here I sit, wide awake... waiting... waiting...
I don't know what it is, sometimes my body would love to sleep for hours and hours, I don't feel like I can get enough sleep... but for the most part, it's this situation.  The begging for sleep to come, and it never does.  If I'm lucky I will be able to get to sleep in an hour or so... after this ambien, I'm really hoping so.  I don't take ambien lightly.  I have actually been trying other things, at home remedies if you will... sleepy time tea, hot baths, exercise, stuff like that.  But these up cycles, where I just can't seem to want to sleep, my body wants to stay awake are SO frustrating to me.  I wouldn't mind as much if I didn't have obligation to attend to first thing in the morning.  I'm pretty sure I have blogged about this frustration before, but I was sitting here and wanting to scream and yell... and thought why not put it on my blog? Scream there? lol  So here it is... Sleep evades me, quite often, and I'm not sure why my body fights it as much as it does... but I am determined to win this war, even if I lose a few battles.

Capstone Clinicals

Well I just finished my capstone clinicals. For those that don't know much about Nursing School, it's the end! I was assigned a hospital unit to work on for 130-200 hours through the semester, I was also assigned to work with a preceptor through the whole thing, and schedule the time on my schedule. I was able to list three choices and my professors tried to place me in one of those. Well I listed NICU at Primary Children's Hospital, NICU at another hospital, and then anywhere at Primary Children's. Well the placements went out and I didn't have anything yet, I got anxious and thought I didn't get the NICU (there were very few placements). I emailed my professor and she said that I didn't get the NICU, but that she was trying to place me somewhere else. I was disappointed to say the least, I had always wanted to work in the NICU, I wanted to be a NICU nurse! Shortly after I got that emailed, another followed, my professor informed me "I just heard word, the PICU wants you." The PICU wants me??? Well that's encouraging, I thought.
Well the time came to start the semester, and working full time, with school, plus two sets of clinicals, I wanted to start working on the hours as soon as possible. I set up my first clinical with my preceptor and met her that morning bright and early. Wow... was I overwhelmed!!! I didn't think I could do it, and she could tell. She was so sweet and kept asking me if I was doing alright, and how I was holding up, encouraging me that the first day is just orienting really to figure out where everything was. Well I made it through that day and thought I wouldn't stop, I would keep going.
Day after day it got a little easier, and to say my preceptor helped me is a HUGE understatement! I would get overwhelmed, and then be reassured that I was right where I should be. Well I came to not only enjoy my capstone clinicals, I loved them! I got to meet some amazing people that work on the unit at Primary Children's! The nurses are wonderful, the doctors are very nice, and not intimidating (of course, there are always exceptions to the rules!) and my preceptor is so positive that it was hard not to have it rub off. I was also able to meet so many nice patients and their families. There was one in particular that helped me so much, she is so sweet, and so encouraging, I looked forward to seeing her and her adorable little girl each clinical.
Rather than going to just get my hours done, I looked forward to going, and I will truly miss my time there. It kind of hit me this morning that I wouldn't be going back and it was really hard for me. I am definitely going to apply to the children's hospital and might be able to work my way into the PICU, but it will take some time, and who knows, maybe I belong somewhere else in the hospital. However, I know with out a doubt I was suppose to be in the PICU for my capstone, and I'm truly grateful that I was, and that I was able to meet so many amazing, inspirational people!