Writing Letters...

So lately I've been seeing movies, or television that seem to talk a lot about writing letters, actual letters. Showing people writing letters or reading letters. Letters are an art form, a nearly lost art form. Which is sad. Typing emails, and status updates, and instant messages, even text messages, or emotionless. Even extremely moving emails that most girls keep, like they would letters, aren't nearly as personal. The typeface is general, the words are tapped, while a letter the words are carefully scratched across a paper with permanence that no sentiment can be backspaced easily.
So what is this post even about, or is it about anything really??? Well it is. I miss getting letters, writing letters, the effort it takes to take the paper and put the pen to it and mark it, (just like my poem). Even if you hit a blank, though must go into a letter. After its written its folded carefully, placed in an envelope and then put into a box. The letter slowly, yes it takes a few day, which to me is part of its charm, to reach the intended reader. A general piece of paper becoming something intimate between two friends, two lovers, two family members. Each one specifically for them. A piece of paper that you can read over and over again and see the authors hand writing and scrolls on each paper, each meant just for them.
In old times without internet, cell phones, or instant message with picture it would take weeks to get letters from family members. I was not alive through this time, but my grandparents were, and I know that when they had passed, there were letters after letters that were old and worn that were saved because it showed the sentiment growing between them. What can we say today? Print out the typed pages of emails to pass down? Who is to say that it's written by me? Is this my hand writing? I love to look back at my great-grandmothers notes, even just to herself, letters between loved ones that I have been able to come across.
So to quickly sum up this "short" post... which I have now made long... I feel this generation is missing out on the personalities that came with letters, the effort it took to write a letter, and... well I am missing letters. The beauty of a hand written letter will never, in my mind, be replaced by a typed letter.

Wonderings

This last weekend I was on spring break and wanted to just take it easy at home before I started my Pediatric Nursing course. I've heard it's intense, and I figure I won't get much alone time. Anyways, my dear friend Felicity has told me over and over to watch North & South and I was looking through Netflix on my apple tv and realized that it was streaming free, so I started to watch it.
I had been slow to watch this because I always thought it was about the American North & South, and wanted to be in the right frame of mind for the issues that come along with that time of history. However, I was mistaken, it was England's North & South (see I would have known this had I paid attention to the fact that it IS a BBC production...).
I was enthralled from the first episode, even if it's a predictable show, as all these shows are. But it is something about this time frame that just engrosses me. The art of a relationship that is more than physical, as it was improper to kiss until engagement. Something that is grown from things that are not just surface deep. Couples walked around the grounds and spoke to each other. While in my life sometimes I realize that I try to appease the people that I talk with, the thing I find most intriguing is that I admire the main women character in these shows because they speak from their heart and hold to their desires. If it is not something they want, even if those around them think it is best, they hold true to themselves, and seek for what truly makes them happy.
The music, the scenery, the clothing, all make this movie near the top of my list of favorites. It's hard to put in words how these movies encourage me to be a strong independent woman. I know this sounds contradictory to the fact that the women don't end up alone, but what they don't need the relationship to be happy.
It's been a long time since I've been in a relationship, gosh, even been on a date. But, recently I've realized how exciting life is, how much there is to take in and how full my life can be, no matter my relationship status.

Life Currently...

So here I sit, studying on my make shift "desk", which happens to be my bed with pillows set up all around me, one for my textbook, one for my laptop, and then my lap is free for my note taking and underlining. I'm not going to complain about studying, because for once I am absolutely loving my class. This is surprising because I thought this would be the one that I would just want to hurry through to move on to what was next. When I found out that the clinical (time in the hospital shadowing a nurse, and helping with patient care) included the NICU I was ecstatic! For some reason, since high school, I have felt drawn to work in the NICU, it's actually what pushed me back into school (a whole post all it's own... someday I will write), but had yet to even be in the NICU. I knew it would be hard, and that there are some serious sick babies in there, and many may not survive. However, I felt like I was where I needed to be. It was an amazing day and I can't wait for more.
So, school is going well, and I have friends that I talk to, which makes me like it even more, I feel part of the group, and the feelings and frustrations about school that I do have, are usually shared with many people in my class. It's comforting in a way.
My personal life on the other hand... I guess could use some work. Well... to be honest, I don't have a life outside of work and school. I know it's hard to push one more thing in my life, but I find it lacking when I get home from a long day at the hospital with all these experiences and I came home to an empty room and pull out my textbook and start to study. I'm not complaining, which I know it sounds like I am... I don't know how I would fit dating in right now, and really I don't know anyone that's interested enough to even think about asking, so I've pretty much moved past the longing, depressing, why not me, phase. But to be honest, who doesn't want someone important to talk to, share things with, and move through life's ups and downs with. It hasn't stopped being a desire... in any way... I've just stopped focusing on what I don't have.
Work is going well, I just got an award for 10 years of service, I have been there for 12. That job has gotten me through a lot, and it's a little bitter sweet leaving in just over a year. They know I am leaving and have encouraged me in my school work.
That's about all with me, work and school... but how lucky am I to be able to go to nursing school, have a job that can make that possible, and family and friends that can encourage me when times are hard.

Resolutions 2011

So I was reading through last years blog. I knew that I had written a few resolutions down. I said that I wasn't one for resolutions but lately in my life I have realized that I'm a goal oriented person. I feel that this year I would do better if I wrote down the things I truly wanted, and will work hard to accomplish.
I wrote 4 things I wanted to do/work on: Being more approachable, more organized, more social during school time, and last but not least... date.
While I am happy to say I have worked on all of these, sadly I think I only really accomplished 2. I have been more approachable to those I go to school with, and more importantly the patients I have worked with during my time in the hospitals for school. I have also gone on at least 2 dates this year (I know... not many, but more than usual for me!).
So, for this year's list I will add again to be more organized. This is truly something I am going to put more effort into. School things organized makes me less stressed, and the room and car more organized helps me focus and relax to spend more time on the things I really need to focus on.
I have also come to realize that while I miss socializing during school, I talk to my really important friends. I don't get to see them much, but we do talk. They are my life support during the rush of school work and stress. I need to talk with them, so I will keep that up, but I now realize that I need to focus on school, and my true friends understand (although I think we are all ready to spend more time together during summer break!).
This year I am going to add to my list! I want to really budget my money, and not just grudgingly because of my "starving student" status. I really want to plan out my money, pay my bills ahead of time, as well as maybe save a little. I'm tired of my budget and money being a burden that I try to avoid rather than keep under control.
I want to work on test stress. I finally got my cumulative GPA above 3.5, which working full time, and nursing school full time, makes me pretty happy. However, the tests get me everytime. I am getting better, but would like to focus my stress a little more, so I want to look into meditation and things like that.
The big one this year I want to tackle is my weight. While I don't particularly look overweight... I am, technically by the books, overweight. This alone wouldn't make me unhappy, but I don't like looking at my closet full of clothes and knowing that I can only fit in 1/4 of them (and this is being VERY generous). I hate having to buy bigger and bigger sizes everytime I look for clothes. I finally bought myself a scale so I can see some progress when I work out and cut out some calories.
I would also like to feel more confident in my nursing abilities. My clinical instructor last semester had great faith in me and what I did during those times in the hospital with the patients. I enjoyed (nearly) every minute of my clinicals and it helped cement the information from the textbooks, but I would like to trust my instincts and feel more confident. I know that this comes with time, and they say you don't really get the hang of nursing until about 2 years into the job, this means OUT of school. So I won't rush myself... just something I would like to work on. So it goes on the list!
Hope everyone is having a wonderful time during the many holidays celebrated. I'm very excited to see what 2011 holds!

What I Miss...

So I haven't been able to do much lately but work and school. I think it's starting to be noticeable. Nursing school is definitely aging me. LOL. I miss hanging out with my friends, my family, going to the movies, reading books that I enjoy, and lately I've really been missing sewing. I went to a Fall Frenzy quilt shop hop, which started it. They have so many cute patterns and fabrics out right now and I just don't have the time. With this in mind I was able to restrain myself and just looked... oh wait... I bought 3 yards of assorted fabrics! My stash is just growing and growing! (At least I won't be at a loss of what to do this summer on my break!)Also it's fall... which is my favorite fabric and patterns so they are everywhere in the store. I'm starting to really like pumpkin patterns and fabrics with pumpkins on them. Very cute!

Anyways, I'm starting to ramble... I was able to sew this purse for my friend Felicity. I hope she liked it. We picked out the fabric together. Also I tried a new magnetic button. I sewed the strong magnet directly into the purse and fabric, its not as easy as you would think. You do after all have a metal foot on your machine that tends to hold the magnet tight (it was actually pretty funny how it would pull the fabric you were sewing into the side of the foot). Anyways, hope everyone is enjoying this wonderful season! It's my favorite!!!

Another 100 Things...

Last night I was looking at my old posts and came across this one. I read through it and while its all true, it's been awhile and things change... So I thought I would update my list. :)
1. I'm currently a junior in nursing school.
2. I'm also working as a legal assistant full time.
3. Because of #1 &2, I don't have much free time, and therefore I don't really have a life.
4. Realizes now that this list may be hard because of #3.
5. I am addicted to the Sweet Tooth Fairy's Red Velvet cupcake... it's divine!
6. I love medical shows (even more now that I know what they are talking about!)
7. My dream car is an Audi R8 Spyder.
8. I love the fashion of the '50's.
9. I miss going to the movies, and will definitely be cramming a lot of those in during the holiday break.
10. 12 hour clinicals for school are long, and hard... but honestly I love them!
11. I would really like to lose 40 lbs.
12. I LOVE to see Blue October in concert! (Happy my brother decided to take me when he won tickets the day before their last one)
13. Wish I could go on vacation to Boston or Seattle... actually both.
14. One day I will go to Disneyland during my favorite holiday... Halloween!!
15. I love to do peoples Halloween makeup.
16. I miss reading books for fun.
17. I want to make a pie this Thanksgiving... a first!
18. I am still a sucker for a man on a motorcycle.
19. I'm afraid of failure.
20. I'm gaining more confidence.
21. I have a fantasy of being kissed in the rain (as does almost every girl).
22. I took a knitting class this summer with my friend Julia, I've bought a lot of yarn... and haven't knit anything else!
23. After a relapse of mono this summer, I have become addicted to NCIS (marathon on USA... for two days).
24. I still sing in my car... loudly!
25. I don't like chocolate.
26. I'm addicted to In & Out's fries! (It doesn't help that In&Out and Sweet Tooth Fairy share a parking lot!!!)
27. I have a bouquet of velvet roses from my great grandfathers funeral.
28. My dream house will have a ginormous bathtub!
29. Although I'm going into nursing, I still enjoy interior design.
30. I love buying quilting fabric, it just makes me smile!
31. I hate going to the grocery store.
32. I've realized I'm an emotional/stress eater... nursing school does not help this!
33. Would love to own a cabin someday.
34. I'm a sucker for a nice TV, and DVD player.
35. I have insomnia issues, and have to take ambien sometimes.
36. I want to see Wicked again.
37. I love showtunes!
38. I make a fool of myself quite a lot.
39. I don't like the taste of water... but still trying.
40. I love watching movies over and over to get a new perspective on it.
41. I don't like confrontation.
42. I am afraid of rejection.
43. I love the holidays with my family.
44. I enjoy dancing, but know I can't do it well, that's why I dance only when I'm alone.
45. Always wanted to act in a musical... and then I realized I can't really sing that well.
46. I don't like getting attention, it makes me blush.
47. I don't like talking about politics with people, I have views, but choose not to discuss them.
48. I have a large collection of bath towels... and its just me.
49. I buy myself tulips and roses occasionally.
50. I love foods made with pumpkin!
51. I miss hanging out with my friends, and studying instead.
52. I have a hard time letting go of clothes that are too small... I keep saying I'll fit in them again.
53. I love to make soup!
54. I can't wait for fall!!! The leaves, the food, the cool crisp air, the clothes!
55. I enjoy going to the movies alone.
56. I don't like getting pedicures at a salon, so I do them myself.
57. I realize now that while I'm shy... when I get to know someone, I talk too much.
58. I window shop online because I don't have time to go to the stores.
59. I still can't take a compliment well.
60. I still have test anxiety, but its getting better.
61. I want to learn tai chi.
62. I have a large collection of cooking and quilting magazines.
63. I've realized lately most of my sentences begin with: Someday...
64. I'm a recovering procrastinator.
65. Every car I drive I seem to ruin something in the engine that baffles my Dad.
66. I love to eat out for breakfast!
67. I have some shoes that are just too painful to wear, but I can't get rid of them, because they are SO cute!
68. There are only two things I sew. Quilts, and bags.
69. I would love to go to a heavy weight boxing match.
70. I think I'm creative... until I'm with my sister!
71. I can listen to the same song over and over.
72. I LOVE movie theatre popcorn.
73. I love walking in the rain.
74. I love reading a book on a blanket in the park.
75. I still love the Disney classic movies.
76. I enjoy going out to eat with friends and family.
77. I'm a daddy's girl.
78. I'm also very close to my mom.
79. Lately I feel like I'm losing my mind and can't remember anything.
80. I enjoy cooking, but only in my own kitchen.
81. I make some great oatmeal chocolate chip cookies!
82. I hate having my picture taken.
83. Wish I could go camping more.
84. I like fly fishing, but would like to spend more time and get better.
85. I never sing in the shower, I don't like hearing my own voice.
86. Often when my dad and I go on a movie date, we go to two movies, one right after another. (He likes movies as much as I do).
87. One of my new favorite foods is fried pickles!
88. I love wearing high heels to work, but take them off almost as soon as I sit at my desk.
89. I love going on road trips, with people I like that is...
90. I don't like mint.
91. I like to make people smile!
92. I enjoy hosting parties.
93. My favorite movie is Pride & Prejudice.
94. Physical humor (people falling, or running into something) is my favorite!
95. I bruise very easily.
96. Probably one of my favorite dishes is steak or chicken salad.
97. Will one day go to the Shakespearean Festival.
98. I enjoy putting puzzles together on New Years Eve.
99. I can't wait to be a nurse!
100. This took WAY longer than it should have!!!

Hope that wasn't too boring to read... You should try it! It's harder than you would think. :)

Footprints...

So, I know I don't update this much, and I'm not really sure how many people read this. But, I was heading out of my class tonight and caught a glimpse of someone in a car that looked like a dear friend of mine. Someone I haven't been able to see or talk to for about a year. I keep seeing him places.
It made me think of a quote that I saw on a plaque once, "People come and go in your life, but true friends leave footprints behind."
I started to think of all the friends that have come into my life over the last few years. I have so many people that have left footprints in my heart and in my life. So many people that have influenced me and help give me strength throughout the days. I'm sure they don't even know how much they help me.
I have been threw some hardships in my life, but with the family and friends I have, I have a hard time complaining about them. I have a wonderful family and siblings that love me, and can joke around with me, and build me up to be a stronger person. They are family that in the hardest of times I can lean on. They are my rock, my foundation. I love them dearly.
I have some amazing friends. I would dare say some of the best on the planet! Felicity is like a sister. We have been friends for over half of my life now and I love that I can call her stressed out about school, and she is going through the same thing, if not harder. She is amazingly smart and a wonderful friend.
Julia was a roommate that turned into a very close friend. She is the Rachel in our little "Friends" group and I love her for it! She is someone that has seen me at my worst, from crying to yelling, to something in between. I still have a hard time getting ready for a date and not sending her a picture asking if I look alright. She started me on my obsession with purses (to go along with the shoe one I already had). I miss the late night runs to Sonic.
Kellee makes me laugh! She is our Phoebe, and yes there is someone actually like her! She says some of the most random things, and is carefree, and loves everything, especially animals. She is a friend that can take any and all of my venting, from work to school, to the crazy driver on the freeway in front of me. She can laugh at my being neurotic and is a hopeless romantic, firm in the idea that my Prince Charming is out there. She won't let me give up.
I have so many friends that I could go on and on about, I truly am blessed, but I don't want to bore anyone reading this so I will stop. But I will finish with the friend that started me thinking about this.
He was a friend that would just sit with me and watch tv while I studied, not needing to talk, not needing anything from me. Just sitting with me. Every now and then messing with the camera on my Mac (I still have a picture he took of himself that I can't erase). I remember a conversation we had just before he got married, it was almost a good bye conversation and I cried at losing him, but understood. I spoke with him periodically through out the years until he was deported. He called me to tell me that he was okay, and that he had made it to his country. The last time I spoke with him was right after the tsunami hit Samoa, where he is, and I was so glad to hear that he was okay. His wife is visiting as much as she can, and she really brings him so much join. I am so happy he has her in his life. For some reason I have seen him multiple times over the last few days and it worries me a bit. My heart goes out to him and his wife and I pray that both are safe.
I miss my friend dearly!!!