Light Switch Moment

So I think I realized something this afternoon as I was talking to a dear friend of mine. I think I realized why I love chick flicks and the sappy books. I can not for the life of me imagine a guy that would love me, be devoted to me, or want me. This stems from years of hurt, and issues, that I will not go into. All I can say is I am working on them, and think I am doing very well actually, especially the last couple of years.
I have been thinking deeply the last few days and I think this started when I saw Penelope. My friend told me to watch this, and she ended up treating me to it and dinner, she thought I would love it. Said it was such a "Jaci Movie". She could not have been more right. It struck me, and made me review my life and where I am at and where I am going. Not in the career or school path, that I have a plan for and am working my way through little by little. But more of a... what am I doing with me, with myself, why do I feel like I must depend on someone else to feel complete, or happy or any of the above? So then I finished Austenland, which is a wonderful book as well, and that made me think the same thing.
Then I started to analize why I even like the sappy movies, and books, why when all reality around me is screaming that this stuff will NEVER happen, especially to me, do I devulge myself into these fairytales and why do I let myself get carried away in them.
Well, I have determined that it is because I can see the guy's side of things, you can see the devotion, the feelings, the emotion and how he feels about the main girl, or character of the movie or book. In real life if you are out with a guy and he is looking at you deeply, the first thought out of my head is, "Oh, why is he looking at me?! Do I have something in my teeth? Is my hair funny? He thinks my nose is to big? Do I have a zit?". However, in his mind he might simply be thinking "This is nice, I am enjoying myself". So while this is a long post, I feel like I am on the step. I will still indulge myself with a good chick flick and/or sappy novel, but with a little more to knowing why I in fact enjoy them so much.

Monica

As much as I would like to say I am like Elizabeth Bennet from Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice, I am not. Of all the characters I have come across in my reading, movies, and watching television I would have to say I am most like Monica Gellar from Friends. I have neurotic tendencies with where things are supposed to be, and I'm a little competetive. However, I'm not a professional chef, and don't have a great NY apartment like Monica.
So I keep wondering, do I really need to find someone like Chandler Bing? They do fit nicely together, and his sense of humor is great with her obsessiveness. He's not a bad looker either! ;)
In my life right now, I keep wondering if I am doing everything I should be. If I am all that I could be? If there is a reason that I'm not married, and rarely, if ever, date. If there is something wrong with me? Then I try to remember that I like who I am, I have great friends that surround me. Even if I don't find my Chandler, I'm going to strive to be happy on my own, and happy with who I am, and what I am trying to do with my life.
Plus I'm lucky enough to have two great friends just like Rachel & Phoebe! Yeah, I'm talking about you Kellee & Julia! :) LOL